2016: What a year!

2016 for me has been a year of highs and lows, incredibly exciting times and some of the lowest I’ve had.

Lets get into it!

I started the year recovering from my back surgery I had in December, immediately after surgery is the easy part, you get to slob around and have people look after you, but when you finish the pain meds and become more mobile thats when the hard work begins! I started physio very early in January and joined an exercise class at the hospital shortly after that. There were ups and downs which you can read about in my posts about my surgery but little did I know at the time that exercise really is the key to a good recovery.

February is my birthday month! Turning 27 makes you feel a lot older than being 26! Maybe because its now all downhill to 30! This was also my first birthday without my Grandad, throughout the year I felt up and down with dealing with the first loss in the family as an adult. It was my first real time experiencing true grief.
I got a cover up done on a tattoo I have on my side, it was originally 3 roses and some swirls, but I’d never been happy with the swirls so I had them covered up with some more flowers. 

March is the month I went to the Harry Potter Studios!!! I was so excited!! It was also my first full day out since the surgery so a personal triumph too! I purposely didn't look at anything to do with the studios before I went so I didn’t know what to expect and I was not disappointed. It was amazing! And when I walked around the corner to see the huge model of Hogwarts I nearly cried! I had no idea that was there and it was so magnificent it took my breath away!

Also around this time of year I lost my job, and spent a short time on job seekers allowance! But thats a story for another time!
In April I got my new job and in May i was lucky enough to be able to take Mum and Dad to see the Queen’s 90th Birthday Celebration in Windsor. We were sat across from The Royal Family, with only 6000 other people, and it was magnificent! Only 6000 people in the world can say they shared that experience with the Queen and I am one of them! I’ll never forget that day!

In June I went on holiday to Weston-Super-Mare with my Mum and both my Nana’s, had an amazing time and love making memories with family, as time is precious and my family mean so much to me. More family travels in August, my Aunt lives in Ireland and we haven't visited since she moved there so we went to visit for her birthday, Ireland is stunning and everyone is so nice! Its definitely a different pace of life than here in England. 

Not much happened now until November when I started my blog! It feels like I've been blogging for so much longer than I have, I’m really enjoying it, more than I expected, and love exploring other bloggers and reading their posts. I cant wait to learn more, get better and reach more people in 2017, my most popular post to date is my spine surgery story, and I only hope by sharing my experience I've helped someone going through something similar. 

December brought with it heartache and loss. After an 8 day stay in hospital, spending our last christmas together,  my Nana passed away peacefully on Thursday after Christmas. Both my Grandparents on that side of the family have now passed and its almost like losing my Grandad all over again too. I really do not know how to deal with the grief of losing her, and he feelings that have come back about my Grandad's passing, but I'm trying to stay positive and remember the good times, and there are so many. The start of 2017 will be shit, what with the funeral and things but I take a smile away knowing they are together now, watching over me and telling me off when I don’t wear a coat!

In 2017 I hope to get fit! I need to start regularly exercising to keep my spine strong, and improve my general fitness. I will keep blogging, even if it doesn’t reach more than one person I am really enjoying it so intend to keep going! I also wanna try and improve my photography, I am capable of taking some good pictures when I work at it but I let it slip and bum myself out about it so I need to learn to keep motivated and my hard work will pay off. This includes looking for a new job! 


Happy new year everyone!

Vikky

x

Has it really been Christmas?

There was a day I spent with my Parents and Brother this year, we ate turkey and opened presents. But it was completely different to any other christmas we’ve ever had. My Grandparents were missing. This is the second christmas since my Grandad passed away so we are still struggling with his smiling face not handing us presents and getting in the way in the kitchen! But this year my Nana was admitted to hospital 4 days before christmas day. The c bomb has struck in my family again. Its taken my Grandad, has a hold on my Uncle, and has now showed its vile self by attacking my Nana.
We got to spend what will be her last christmas day with her in hospital. But where is the christmas spirit when so many family members are missing. I am looking at my Nana knowing her time is limited. I am looking at my Dad in fear that his entire family will shortly be passed. I am becoming increasingly terrified that cancer may be inherited in the family and that my Dad, my Brother or Myself have inherited it. I am panicking because I forget things and as I write this I'm struggling to even remember 2 days ago to my last christmas day with my Nana.  A million things are going through my head right now.
The NHS have been incredible caring for my Nana. Every member of staff I have seen in the hospital are always smiling, pleasant, helpful, selfless people and it is a testament to our precious NHS when a dying woman tells us every day how well she is being cared for.

I want to remind everyone that family is precious. Treasure every moment and be thankful you have so many amazing memories with them. I am grateful to have been born into such a wonderful family, and even though some have left, and are leaving soon, I feel blessed.

Strictly Come Dancing FINAL Review!!

Ore and Joanne!!!! Winners of Strictly Come Dancing 2016!!!! 

What a completely emotional and flawless final! All 3 finalists were utterly stunning and each one deserved to be lifting that Glitter Ball tonight. 
I loved seeing them dance their little hearts out one final time, they each brought more game and the improvement in technique was amazing to see. 

Watching Ore and Joanne’s show dance I was watching a winner. I came into the final wanting Louise or Danny to win and at the end of the show dance I was content that Ore was soon to be lifting that Glitter Ball! It was fun, glamorous and classy and I love the risks they took with the jumps on those tables! Ore fully deserves to be the winner, and to come from no dance background he has proved to all of us non dancing, uncoordinated, and clumsy people (I may be describing myself there!) that there is hope we can learn to dance. Their reaction to becoming champions was unforgettable! Joanne’s face was a picture and her brother Kevin sweeping her off her feet in celebration was beautiful to see, the love between the pros, family or not, really is heartwarming. 
Congratulations Ore and Joanne, you thoroughly deserve it. 

 Louise and Kevin’s show dance brought me to tears. It was absolutely stunning and I was swept up in their little dancing bubble. Its no secret Kevin is my favourite pro dancer and he has helped to bring Louise from a shy woman, into a confident, sassy, strong, beautiful dancer. I love the smile that sweeps across her face when she is on that dance floor and it makes me smile along with her. I'm so glad she finally got a 40, she has deserved one for a while, and they were also the only finalist to never be in a dance off which is a testament to how fabulous they are. I loved seeing their Cha Cha Cha and Argentine Tango again, two of my favourites of theirs and I will miss seeing them dance together every Saturday night. 

Danny and Oti were also absolutely beautiful tonight, Oti’s choreography is some of the best we've seen on the show so far and Danny performs it flawlessly. Their show dance was powerful, creative, strong, and I wouldn't expect anything less from them. I watch every week knowing I will see some incredible dancing from a stunning couple and I will miss the excitement I get from seeing them each week. 

I was also an emotional wreck during the stunningly beautiful ballroom tribute to Len. A graceful, witty and elegant gentleman, who really and truly will leave a huge void in the show. I now can’t say or hear the number seven without thinking of Len! Goodbye Len, you will be missed. 

I am sat here now, wondering what the hell I'm going to do with myself now Strictly has finished, and It Takes Two is over! How do I function without it in my life?! Oh thats right, I'm only going to the live tour in January!!!! I literally cannot wait to see all the glitz and glam in real life and watch the amazing celebs and pros on stage! I might burst with excitement! 

What an epic final. 

With that, I leave you with these words, 

Keeeeep dancing. 

x

Strictly Come Dancing: Semi Final Review.

Wow how did we get to Semi Final week so fast! It doesn't seem like 12 weeks have gone already but here we are in the Semi Final!

Each couple had two dances this week to master and I must admit after seeing their dances and the music that would be accompanying I wasn't overly excited. But I really enjoyed tonights show, even though the person I wanted to go didn’t, and my favourite of the night was eliminated I still thought it was an amazing show.

Louise and Kevin danced the Tango and the Samba this week and both were technically brilliant. I thought though there could have been more emotion from Louise, she goes up and down with her confidence I think and I really want to see her just totally let go. I don't think she will win it if she doesn’t. Kevin is full of fun and personality and she needs to beat him at his own game! 

Claudia and Aj were my favourites by far of the night. I didn't think I’d ever switch my favourite couple but they stole the show for me last night. Unfortunately I am at work when the vote is open so I can’t vote but if I could I would have used all 3 of my online votes for them this week. Her Rumba was absolutely stunning and I felt all the emotion between them both. She looked like a beautiful young woman, in total control and complete confidence in herself and her partner. I cant stop watching it over and over again! Her quickstep was also brilliant, her smile lit up the ballroom and I didn't see one mistake. She looked like she was having the time of her life! I felt so horrible for her when they found out they were in the dance off, going up against Danny would have been awful as its clear the judges love him so it was always going to be Danny they saved. Which this week, as good as Danny is, in my opinion Claudia walked all over him this week. I'm super sad she's gone but I love everything she has taken away from this experience and grown to be a confident young woman. 

Ore and Joanne disappointed me this week. Their Quickstep looked off to me. I cant put my finger on it but something didn't look right. It wasn't worthy of the score it got, especially when you compare how much better Claudia’s was. Their Argentine Tango let me down a bit too, I felt he didn't have much to do, it was more Joanne dancing around him. Maybe thats what a proper Argentine Tango should be but I wanted to see more. He better step it up in the final, I wanna see something to blow my mind! 

Danny and Oti this week danced a Salsa and an American Smooth, loved the American Smooth, liked the Salsa. I want to watch a Salsa and join in the party but watching Danny I was happy to stay in my seat and watch from the sidelines. It was good enough to watch, not good enough to excite me to join in! Now his American Smooth on the other hand was beautiful. He reminded me a bit of Jay from last series in the way he moved. Both Claudia’s dances are my top two favourites but this is my third favourite of the night. The way they ended with Oti launching herself off that platform into Danny’s arms was heart stopping! When she started running I was like “No she ain’t! She can’t, SHE DID!!!!” Wow!

The group dance this week was really different to the usual group dances and I really enjoyed it. Some of the lifts and the way Janette was passed around was really artistic and it was a joy to watch.

I cant believe we saw the last ever Len’s lens :( Strictly won’t be the same without the wonderful Len Goodman. Whoever takes his place next year will have some ginormous shoes to fill! 

One things for sure, after seeing all 4 couples tonight getting so emotional I will need to make sure I have a supply of tissues on standby for the final! Everyone, whether they win or not are going to be blubbering with happiness, sadness, nerves, and then I bet there will be a tribute to Len in there somewhere too that will be a tear jerker! 

So everyone, until the final…..


Keeeeep dancing!

x

Things I never saw coming from living with a chronic injury.

I wanted to share all of the things I struggled with and continue to face while living with a chronic illness, you can read all about my back problem in my previous blog post. I never expected to experience anything other than pain and a bit of tiredness when I was suffering with my back. Boy was a wrong! 

Probably the biggest thing I didn't realise would happen is losing people in your life you thought were friends. As my problem got worse and I needed my friends more it seemed they were there less and less for me. Don't get me wrong, I have a few friends who have been with me for the entire journey, but I've lost quite a few people I thought I’d be friends with for a long time. I feel when I was getting signed off on sick from work a few times, I started to realise who was there for me and who wasn’t. It started with not hearing from them, then when I did return to work it would feel weird. Out of sight, out of mind. There was one person in particular who I thought we were good enough friends that she would stick by me but she wasn't there. I still miss her sometimes to this day. I tried to reach out once I’d had my surgery and felt like myself again but I guess she had moved on and wasn't interested in rekindling a friendship. I felt unloved. I felt unwanted. I felt unnecessary.
At the time I didn't understand that a friendship is a two way process. I needed everything from my friends, support, understanding, but I didn't have much to give in return, I was unhappy, moody, I never went out because I was so tired all the time and in too much pain, I never considered what the impact of my problem and my mood had on them. Some might say a true friend will look past all those things, realise they are part of something that I can’t control and stick with me, and I have come out the other side with some amazing friends who did that for me, and for that I am eternally grateful to them, but for some people it is a lot to ask. I held grudges against them for that, but now I have let go and accepted that you really do know who your true friends are when you are at a critical point in your life, and I am blessed with the friends I have.

As my problem got worse and I was less able to do things for myself, both at work and at home, this brought with it a change in my mood, paranoia, loss of independence, feeling useless, frustration, loneliness, I almost became housebound. I was getting around an hours restless sleep a night, so I felt exhausted all of the time. This did improve when I went on long term sick but I look back now and I wonder how I functioned with pretty much no sleep for a year and a half! I’d love to share how but I honestly don't know, and the worst of it is, I used to commute to work, on no sleep, and high on prescription pain killers. One morning, I did find myself fall sleep at the wheel, luckily it was split second, no other cars were around and I only slightly veered into the grass at the side of the road. I've never fully admitted before that this happened, and it literally scared the shit out of me. Anything could have happened, I shudder thinking about it. This was also a major factor in me going on long term sick. I was unsafe to myself and other road users commuting across the county in my condition. 

With being at home a lot, and all my friends and family at work, I became quite isolated. I would miss seeing people and doing things. I wasn't able to do much around the house and felt useless. I felt people thought I was making my problem up to stay at home all day, I got into numerous arguments about it, my family felt I could do more around the house while I'm at home all day, and I sometimes struggled to even get up off the sofa, and found myself falling sleep during the day so we had a lot of arguments about that. It frustrated me that I wasn't able to help, that I was getting yelled at for not helping even though I couldn’t, that I would want to do stuff and physically couldn’t, like walking my dogs, like hoovering, like loading the dishwasher, like not being able to sit on the flipping toilet without grabbing onto the bath and the sink for support! 
I started trying to ignore the pain and push through it to be able to start doing more. I’d go out with my Mum and Nana at the weekend shopping even though the pain was so bad I sometimes felt like I was going to pass out. I tried to hide the fact that I was in pain and suffering by trying to be the person everyone wanted me to be, so I would split myself in two. There was the Vikky who would not show the pain, who would try and engage with things and pretend everything was ok, and there was the Vikky who would suffer alone, who would pay for all the things I’d done while pretending nothing was wrong! I would definitely not recommend the approach I took! 
I think I’d have gone completely insane though going through all of this, and being home most of the time if it wasn't for my dogs! They were amazing company for me and they really knew when I was feeling worse and feeling better. After my op they were so careful with me. I love my dogs so much! I don't understand how anyone can live life without a dog. They were my only company while everyone was working and I was home alone and I couldn't imagine them not being there. 

Even though I spent a lot of time at home, I struggled with money. I didn't get any company sick pay so I lived off statutory sick pay which is £88 a week. Luckily I still lived at home so any rent or bills I paid my parents they let me off, but I still had other bills like my phone and car payment, so I started using a credit card for things like the little socialising I did do, and I had a big bill from my car breaking down which had to go on the credit card. Luckily with my treatment being on the NHS I didn't have any medical costs, only prescriptions, but I couldn't imagine what financial difficulties people must get into in places like America. I tried to find out how much my surgery actually costs and it was around £10k! Its times like this that make you realise how precious our NHS is.

In the two years I was suffering, I had gone up two dress sizes. Going from a pretty active lifestyle working with dogs, to being a couch potato really took its toll on my body. I've had to learn how to dress a whole different body shape. I've had to replace my entire wardrobe. With this came self confidence issues. I've never really had many issues about my body, I was a healthy size 8/10 and everything was in proportion, now when I look at myself it makes me cringe. I'm not me anymore. I'm in another body that isn't me. My hair lost shine and became fragile, and I now have horrendous bags under my eyes from years of no sleep. Its really took a toll on my body. I’m starting the gym soon, I’m being referred by my physiotherapist (for an unrelated problem) for free or subsidised gym membership as I am on a low income which should be starting very soon, I’ve never set foot in a gym before so it could be interesting!

I've also had to face one of my biggest fears, general anaesthetic and surgery. I always vowed I’d never have surgery through fear! Whilst now I'm so proud of myself for going through it I was terrified at the time. Waiting for my surgery day to arrive was probably the worst of it all. I literally thought I was going into that hospital to die. I couldn't see a life after Dec 9th 2015. With this fear, and everything else I’d been through came the inevitable diagnosis of anxiety. The first person to notice I may be struggling was my Physio about 7 weeks after surgery. He noticed how I held myself and worried about moving certain ways and doing some of the exercises in the class. I was also getting dizzy, light headed and feeling palpitations. I was terrified every time I moved or did something new I would re-herniate the disc and would set me straight back. I spoke to a Doctor and they also agreed I was suffering with anxiety and PTSD, as someone who has never suffered a mental health condition I was quite shocked at being told I now had one. And that even though I was healed up after surgery and well on my way to recovering that I was no way near being 100% better. This is something thats going to stay with me for life. I will always have to be careful of what I do, I will get flare ups of pain from time to time, I have an issue with the disc above the one I had surgery on so I will always be worried that disc will go too. And even a year post op, I am so much more confident and less anxious but it is still with me. I think it is something I will always carry with me but I'm choosing to look at it as a good thing, as a reminder to not overdo things and risk injuring it further. Looking back on it now, I believe I may have also been struggling with depression, through all of this I also lost my Grandad 3 months before surgery and I’d never really lost a family member before who I saw all the time and was extremely close to so dealing with grief that I’d never really felt before took a major toll on me. He was actually the last thing I thought of before I fell asleep on the surgery table and I think it was his way of holding my hand and telling me everything would be ok. And I was ok. 

Chronic illness will always be something I will live with, but it doesn't have to define who I am and how I live, even though it was the worst experience of my life, I have learnt and grown from it and I don't think I would be the strong, confident, independent and happy woman I am today if I wasn't faced with these challenges to overcome. 

Vikky

x

My Spine Surgery Story.

In recognition of my one year surgery anniversary I have decided to share everything I went through, the good, the bad, the ugly and sometimes the funny! 
But lets not get ahead of myself, theres a lot that went on before I got to my surgery date, so lets go!

In summer 2014 I’d been struggling with a bad back, nothing major just a bit of aching every now and then. I put it to old age creeping in! After all, I was 25! Plus I had a physical job working with dogs and didn't take much stock in keeping fit.
But as the months rolled on I developed a strange burning feeling in my right bum cheek, gradually this got worse to the point where it was starting to affect my daily life and my job. So like any concerned person would do, I went to the doctors. 
I was told I had sciatica, given some painkillers and sent on my way, it will clear up in 6 weeks. Those 6 weeks came and went with the pain getting worse, not better! I went back and forth to the doctors for months, the pain now in my left bum cheek and leg too. I also had started getting pins and needles and numbness in my left foot. Finally I saw a Doctor who didn't see me as a symptom to treat, I was a person with a life and feelings and he really was the start of me getting my problem fixed. He took all the time I needed to explain what I had wrong, what the symptoms mean, and most importantly at the time, pain relief! I'm allergic to loads of things, including some painkillers, and he made sure we got me on something that meant I could get at least a couple of hours sleep, and could half function during the day. This for me was 30/500mg co-codamol. I’d tried tramadol but had a horrendous reaction to it which resulted in a lot of sick! I also hallucinated black cats and went through withdrawal when I stopped taking it so that was fun! Needless to say I wasn't going on tramadol ever again! Co-codamol really was my only option. So this Doctor got the ball rolling with my referral to hospital, I was being referred to the adult lower back clinic at the Leicester General Hospital. 
By this time I’d been suffering a year with worsening symptoms and had had a few bouts of sickness from it from work. My appointment came for June 2015 where I met with a consultant who did lots of examinations and sent me for an MRI scan. I also had to have half my blood taken for various things such as c-reactive protein, bone profile and b12 deficiency!
By August I was able to do less and less at work, becoming more a spare part, my colleagues were picking up the jobs that I was unable to do, which was most of them, and I was miserable. I barely slept, I was in constant pain, I’d started collapsing, people thought I was making it up, my mood changed, I was rarely happy, I was a horrible person to be around, my team said I brought them down, I couldn't help it though, they just didn't understand how I was feeling and how it took most of my effort to just stand up let alone be the life and soul at work. So on august 28th, I decided to go on long term sick.
When my MRI results came through they showed “a large central disc prolapse at L5/S1, impinging on both nerve roots, the left more than the right”. Basically my disc material had oozed out and was pushing on my spinal cord and the two big nerves that come from the spine down into the leg. 
The consultant suggested a nerve root block and booked me in, however a few days after that appointment I had a phone call saying that my consultant had took my notes to a spinal mdt (whatever that is!) and spinal surgeon, Mr Basu, believed that a nerve root block would hinder my recovery and that an L5/S1 discectomy surgery was the only way forward. I saw him the following week to meet him in person and discuss in more detail my condition and why surgery is the appropriate treatment. I was in total shock! One of my biggest fears is general anaesthetic and now I was faced with having one!  He informed me if I was to go ahead I would be placed on his urgent list. This was all so much to take in! I never thought surgery would be a treatment option. I thought I’d get a bit of physio or a steroid injection and sent on my way! Let alone being put down as needing urgent surgery! So all I had to do now was go home, and wait for a surgery date to arrive. 
This date was to be 9th Dec 2015. 
Here is the transcript from the appointment: “Plan is to proceed with L5/S1 discectomy. Rather than performing a left sided discectomy alone she will require a bilateral discectomy. I reiterated that the surgery is aimed more at leg pain and has a 75% chance of a very successful outcome and a further 20% chance of reasonably successful outcome. There is a 5% chance of an unsuccessful result. The risks I reiterated with her today were infection, unexpected serious medical complications, paralysis affecting sphincter function and lower legs, isolated s1 nerve root injury with permanent weakness of the calf, incidental durotomy and risk of recurrence.”
So with those risks looming over me I had my pre op assessment on 23rd November, my nerves getting worse the closer the 9th got. And when I signed my consent, I literally felt like I had just signed my life away. I was given facts and figures about the success rates of the surgery, the risks of anaesthetic, the risks of the disc re-herniating again, but one of the biggest things I didn't realise at the time was I’d be trusting a man a barely knew with making sure these risks didn't happen! I had no choice but to trust in him and his competency as a spinal surgeon and as someone who doesn't trust easily this was a major thing for me to overcome. 
By this time I had found a support group on Facebook for people who were facing and had had the same surgery. The group was full of so many beautiful and kind people from all around the world. I don't think I’d have had the strength or confidence to have done this without them for support. As I'm sure many people with health issues can relate to out there the people who understand what you are feeling and going through always make the best support friends as they don't have to imagine what you feel, they know. As much as people in your life try they can never fully understand. 
Fast forward to the day, the most nerve-racking and frightening day of my life. Surgery day! I had to arrive by hospital at 7.15am to be admitted. When I got there I found out I was the last person on the list of 4 that day, so I didn't go down to theatre till 4.30pm!!! As you can imagine the waiting was unbearable, my parents couldn't stay with me and I obviously wasn't allowed anything to eat or drink so I was starving and crazy thirsty! In the waiting room was the other women due in for surgery that day so until the last lady went I at least had some company. Luckily one of the nurses spotted me alone, shaking with fear in the corner and came and sat with me for a while. She was on her way home and had came to say bye to her nurse friends but took time out of her day after probably a million hours of working to stay and comfort me till it was my turn. 
When it was my turn a nurse came walked me down to theatre, I got on the bed and was told I’d have two anaesthetic doctors as I have a family history of allergy to general anaesthetic and I'm allergic to a tonne of things, so the risk was fairly high. I had to have an oxygen mask on, and one of the anaesthetists put the needle in my hand, first they put in a clear liquid, then the white liquid of doom! The thing I'm most afraid of! The anaesthetic! I could see it going down through the syringe into the needle in my hand! I remember thinking in the movies they count down from 10 and usually make it to 7, so I did that, but nothing. I was still wide awake, then I remember thinking why haven't they asked me to count down, is something wrong! Next thing I know, I hear my name being called, like its in the distance, surgery was over, now for the hard part, the recovery! …


“Vikky, Vikky, can you hear me Vikky? I’m Joe and Im looking after you on the recovery ward. Welcome back, your surgery went well. Are you in any pain?”
HELL YES!!!!!! 
My back was killing me! Such a sharp pain I can only compare to a massive paper cut on steroids!! BUT all my leg pain had gone, my foot felt normal again, the pins and needles had gone! It felt so strange as I’d felt the pins and needles and pain for so long it was abnormal now to not feel it. I was given some codeine and more codeine, and more codeine! I didn't take long to wake up, and luckily I didn't feel sick or anything which I know a lot of people feel when they have had surgery.
I spent maybe 20 mins in recovery before I was wheeled onto ward 16, where the other two women from the waiting room were having the same procedure, they too congratulated me for getting through it and not legging it out of the hospital in fear! My Mum had been waiting for me for a little while and only had about 15 mins before visiting hours finished but she managed to stay about half an hour with me before going home.
That night was horrendous, the nurses needed me to do a wee to make sure nothing had happened with my nerves during the surgery but I just couldn't go! I think the pressure of needing to do one was too much! Plus I felt totally undignified going into a cardboard bowl in my hospital bed with a nurse watching me! I was given a 4 hour deadline before they would have to intervene and see if anything was wrong. I managed to convince one of the nurses to let me get up and try on a commode instead and eureka! I managed! Panic over! That night was also the first time I experienced morphine. The codeine wasn't enough so they offered me oramorph. Bright side it made the pain melt away, downside is it made me dizzy!
I woke up the next morning after a rough nights sleep. But happy that I felt a lot better. I was going home later today and looking forward to my own bed! I finally got to eat but only managed a few spoons of cereal. I met with a physio who wanted to make sure I could get in and out of a bed and a chair, walk unaided, get on and off the loo and go up and down some stairs. She was really happy that I was so mobile and that I’d been up within a few hours after the surgery. 
About 4pm I was discharged and my parents came to pick me up. Now here was a tricky thing, the car ride home! The hospital is about 25 minutes away and rush hour was beginning! But the first obstacle was getting into the car! I’d been given BLT rules! No bending, no lifting, no twisting. You try getting into a car with those rules and a harrowing pain in your spine! 
So we made it home and I cant remember what I did, I know I went to bed around 6pm and pretty much slept straight through to the next day! The next couple of days consisted of lots of tv, lots of naps, and little potters around the house. After a few days I felt well enough to venture out to visit my Nana and go for walks in the village. I’d weaned down the codeine and stopped that by day 5 post op, and managed with paracetamol until I stopped that day 10 post op. 
My Mum did so much for me in the couple of weeks after the op. Im so grateful I had her help! And she was tasked with washing and drying my hair because I wasn't allowed to get my stitches wet for 2 weeks! 
I’m going to list a few things here that I brought to help me post op, hoping that if someone who is facing the same surgery reads this it might help them. First off, a grabber! Chances are if you have a severe back problem you will already have one but I had no idea how much stuff I dropped till I couldn't bend to pick it up! Something like a zimmer frame to help support you getting up and down on the loo. I only needed it the first day or so I was home but it did help. I also brought a plastic tray thing that goes around your neck and drains into the sink to wash hair with, this was a lifesaver as I could comfortably sit in a chair with my back to the sink and tip my head back to have my hair washed, like the chair/sink things in hairdressers. A sponge or loofa on a stick! Because I couldn't shower or bend to wash my feet I used the loofa on a stick to reach them. Also get some comfortable clothes in, I opted for joggers and t-shirts. And some slip on shoes, this isn't too much of an issue if someone is there to help but Mum went back to work after the first week so I was home alone and if I wanted to go out I’d have no way been able to bend to tie laces or anything. Also move things from low down cupboards to higher up, and maybe prepare a few meals and freeze them or get some ready meals in so you have an easy option instead of cooking. 
Now some advice! Learn to forgo a little dignity, e.g. sitting on a commode mostly naked with a nurse watching you wee isn't anything I ever saw myself doing! Learn to be patient, the recovery is slow, day by day, and you will have set backs. I had a few with some nerve pain returning and back pain but they eventually by about 4 months post op fade away. Also I lost my job, I’m not going into detail but I had restrictions from my surgeon about a phased return to work on light duties but this wasn't an option for my employer so my contract was ended. When I did find a new job I had another flare up of pain. But again this went away with exercise and time. I started physiotherapy 3 weeks after the op and believe me when I say this, exercise really is the key to recovery! Now being a year post op, I do go through phases of not doing my exercise like I should and I can tell, I feel more achey and my muscles tighten up. I was lucky enough to join an exercise class at the physio department in the Leicester General Hospital called the back class and the physio who ran it was probably the reason why my recovery was a success. He really took the time to make sure my exercises were right for me, showed me how to adapt ways I was doing things to reduce the pain and generally just cared that I got better. He also helped with some anxiety I developed after the op about being scared of re-herniating the disc and having to go through it all again. Another piece of advice I would give is to prepare for a shit tonne of emotions! I have never suffered from anxiety until I had surgery and one Gp even mentioned I may be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder! It all stems from being terrified of doing something wrong and causing more issues in my spine. Plus I was dealing with losing friends and through all of this my Grandad passed away. I am in a much happier place now though, my mood has gotten drastically better, I feel happy and don't get down so easily, Ive become a positive and optimistic person. Ive even developed some confidence through knowing I conquered my greatest fear. Its taken me a long time to feel this way though and I still struggle a little, like I recently saw my surgeon about a sharp pain I have been getting when I sneeze or cough in the disc area, which turns out is basically my disc struggling to cope with the load its under now some of the material has been removed. But I am optimistic that with exercise (I really need to make sure I stay motivated to keep at it!) and a positive attitude I will continue to get back the years of life my back problem stole. I have done so much this year including holidays, visiting the Harry Potter studios (I did this 2 months after the op), day trips out, building closer relationships with my friends who stuck by me, and just generally enjoying life. Today marks one year since I had surgery and it had literally changed my life.


If you want to read up more about herniated disc and sciatica here are a couple of links packed with information. Also seek out support groups if you need to, not just for this condition but any condition you may be suffering with on Facebook. There is a whole world of people out there kind enough to help and support you.



I know its been a long read but thank you for sticking with it!


I am more than happy to talk to anyone going through the same thing so please get in touch. 

Vikky

x

Strictly Come Dancing: Quarter Final Review.

Before we start, I totally forgot to do a review of last week! I was away at the weekend at a fundraising event and didn't watch the show till mid week, by that time it was coming up to the next show so I thought I’d give last week a miss!

So I've watched this weeks show and actually found it a little boring, maybe its because it is musicals week and I'm not a huge musical fan? Maybe it was the dances that didn't tickle my fancy?! Maybe its that Ed Balls is missing and his entertainment and spunk has gone too? I dunno!

Beginning with Ore and Joanne opening the show, I thought their performance was boring, it didn't grip me and I found myself daydreaming through it. I hate being negative about things but sometimes you just gotta! I haven't seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory so maybe I'm gunna look like a fool saying this, but whats with those giant flowers?! They were distracting, pointless and downright weird!! Sorry Ore but you deserved the bottom this week. I think he peaked too early and is now on the downward pathway to elimination.

Judge Rinder and Oksana, sadly but truthfully were always going into this week the weakest and the obvious couple to go next. That being said, even though I didn't like his dance, he gave it his all and I really believe when he says he has found true joy in dancing that he is sincere. You can see it in his face when he is on that dance floor. I hope he carries on dancing now he is no longer part of the show and maybe we will get to see him in the live tour?! 

Even my Louise and KevKev let me down a bit tonight, it was my joint favourite performance of the night but from watching their training footage through the week I expected more. I'm not sure what more I mean but I think it lacked a little something. Boy I feel like Craig writing this!!! Hopefully next week she will pull something out of the bag to get that 40 I think she needs!

My other favourite of the night was Claudia and Aj, I love The Lion King and really thought she upped her game this week. She is really trusting Aj now with lifts and her character is coming through now. Everyone is looking at Danny and Louise to be the last two standing but Claudia is sneaking in from behind now and I have a suspicion she might knock one of them out of the limelight pretty soon! Dark horse alert!

Miss Negative Nancy is back! I didn't like Danny and Oti this week. I found myself daydreaming again during their performance and the only bit I can remember is that section where the professionals danced along with them, I thought that was really clever choreography, and would also expose Danny if he went wrong with having two pros directly behind him dancing the same moves but he held his own and looked like one of the pros. 

The professional dances this week were super duper! The pros stole the show this week, I know thats not difficult as they are pros and dancing is what they do for a living but I’d have been happy just watching the pro dances this week and skipping the celebs. Usually after the show is finished there are dances I will go and watch again and show to friends but this ain’t happening this week! Step it up next week guys! You've got two dances each now to banish the Craig I'm channeling and swap it with Bruno! 


Until next week, keeeeeeeep dancing!

Vikky

x

November Favourites.

Not just a November favourite, a favourite for the entire year! Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them! If You've read my review about the film then you will know how in love I am with it, so it had to be top of my November favourites! I am still so mesmerised by the film, enchanted by the magic and the relationship Newt has with his creatures. I really feel like I am taken into another world watching this film. And naturally I just had to have the screenplay, and I have never in my life seen a more beautifully decorated book cover. I actually didn't know this had been released as a screenplay but as I walked through WH Smiths the cover caught my eye out of everything else in the store so curious as to what the book was I investigated and when I realised it was Fantastic Beasts I didn't put it down! I have yet to read it but its definitely on my to do list.


I've recently decorated my bedroom and wanted some pictures printed in polaroid style so I tried Photobox and although my order didn't arrive on time (Royal Mail for ya!) they were brilliant and re printed my order free of charge and got it sent to me right away. It was packaged really cute, and my prints are great quality, I always doubt my photography skills but seeing some of my work in print always gives me a little confidence boost. There was a cool editing tool too where you could add all sorts of effects which was fun to pay around with and simple to use. 


I have real trouble wearing make up due to a tonne of allergies but I decided to give No7 a go from Boots. I just brought an eye shadow palette to try and I didn't have a huge reaction like I usually do! I use their Stay Perfect mascara as it can be removed with just warm water with no issues so for this reason I tried their eye shadow and I'm pleasantly surprised. Usually with make up it burns almost instantly when I apply it but this was comfortable to wear and I had much less of a reaction than I usually do! This is major for me so had to be in my November favourites!


I've found as it gets colder I need more snuggly jumpers in my life! I in fact only have one jumper and 2 hoodies, so off I took myself to Primark to rejuvenate my jumper stocks! I got a super soft little number and to my amazement, the arms are plenty long enough! I have really long monkey arms and struggle with sleeve lengths always being too short but these are the perfect length. I also love the grey colour, I'm really into grey at the moment so it fits in well with my wardrobe. It also has a little cut out in the back and a round neckline. I loved it that much I got one in pink too!

My Parents recently went on holiday and haven't brought home gifts for a while now as Me and my Brother are getting old! But this time they brought me back a Pandora charm. I hadn't seen this charm before and I love it. Its really beautiful and delicate with the snowflake design in the middle of the heart. 


I recently ordered some goodies from my friends Etsy shop, Llama Talks, and I am loving the cute designs. The pin badge is my favourite, I think the skeleton is adorable and he sits pride of place on my bookcase! I am tempted to place another order for some penguin christmas cards! I was tied between the angel design and the penguins but the angel won, now I'm feeling I need some penguins too! If you haven't already go and check out her shop for some wonderful goodies!


Lastly is dog treats! I have a dog who also has allergies, she is allergic to beef, cereal and dairy so finding treats for her can be quite difficult. I popped into Pets at Home with the intention of picking up a couple of bags of their usual treats and ended up spending 30 quid! There were so many new treats with introductory offers I just had to have them. All the treats were made with just meat or fish, veggies and fruit. My dogs love the dried fish treats and I got them some dried salmon and white fish skins and although they flipping pong its great knowing they love them and they are also super healthy for them and all natural. 

So that was my first favourites post. Hope you enjoyed reading it!

Vikky

x