I suddenly realised like 5 mins ago my life should have gone in a totally different direction to where it is now! 2 years ago I’d look at myself now having a masters degree, an awesome job, a relationship and a home, maybe a mini me on the way! Boy was my 26 year old self wrong!
2 years ago I decided that I was going to do a Masters degree. I’d been thinking about it for a while and never had the guts to pursue it. But my career wasn't going anywhere and I just couldn't stop thinking about completing a Masters. I knew I wanted to study either Osteoarchaeology, the study of archaeological human and animal remains or Forensic Anthropology, the study of human remains in a forensic context.
I wasn't sure which route I wanted to go down so I applied for both hoped for the best. While waiting to hear about my applications I looked into how I was going to finance the degree and moving away from home. And of course I needed to research more into whether I waned to head more into archaeology or forensics. When I got accepted onto both courses with unconditional offers I couldn't believe it!
I eventually decided on studying Forensic Anthropology.
I was beginning to worry about moving away from home and starting a Masters with everything going on with my back, you can read all about it here but keeping things short and sweet I had a herniated disc in my lower back pushing on my spinal cord and left and right nerve routes causing sciatica in both legs. Basically lots of pain, no sleep and I was unable to walk normally!
But in the meantime I’d accepted my offer and started to look into student finance and accommodation. I was dead set on starting a Masters whether I could walk or not! It was something I knew I wanted to do and needed to get my career really going. The course sounded amazing and I would also have the chance to work in Guatemala to help identify remains from the civil war.
Going back to why my life should be in a completely different place right now is that I realised just this evening I would have graduated with an MSc Forensic Anthropology last summer and would have hopefully been working in the field and it really shocked me that in that time instead of doing that awesome stuff, I was signed off sick long term from work, had surgery, lost my job, and got a new job on a till in a supermarket.
So if you hadn't guessed it the reason I didn't go is because shortly after I accepted my place I found out I’d be needing urgent surgery. I wasn't prepared to sacrifice time, effort and a tonne of money from needing 6 to 8 weeks off the course and jeopardising my grades. So I cancelled my place.
I felt angry, defeated, frustrated, that I couldn't go, and was determined to make sure I would apply again to go for the next year, sadly the course isn't running at my chosen University this year so I have some more time to decide whether it is something I need to do and if it will give me the successful career I desire, for some reason my age is putting me off going at the moment. I’m having issues getting old at the moment!
At the age of 28 I feel so unaccomplished in life at the moment, and then the sudden realisation that I would have a Masters now if it wasn't for my dodgy spine has really hit me hard. I feel ashamed sometimes telling people my job, like I get judged because I'm 28, still living at home, single and in a crappy job! What would life be like if my health didn't decline and I completed the Masters as planned? Would I be working abroad with a Masters now? Would I have gone back to Guatemala to bring peace to thousands of families waiting to lay their loved ones to rest? Would I be working in a police force solving crimes? Or could I be right where I am now? Sat on a till with a Masters degree and a tonne more student debt? Who knows? But what I do know is as I get older its dawning on me how much my back problem has held me back in every aspect of my life not just my career.
I still keep applying for new jobs and looking into new opportunities but haven't yet found my feet. I need to remember to not get discouraged from the rejection of job hunting and try not to feel ashamed of where I am now in life. I mean I did face my biggest fear of having surgery and without it I would probably be bed ridden right now so I need to remember to be thankful that my health, though not perfect, is at a point now where I can have a fairly normal life.
Does anyone else feel inadequate like this? Like their life could be somewhere totally different now if something didn't get in the way? Let me know!
Thanks for reading
Vikky
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