My first blog post.

So, Ive decided to start a blog! There’s a few reasons why I've come to this decision so lets get started!

Firstly, I have a good friend (Ellis) who started blogging about a year ago and the blogging has lead to her starting her very own youtube channel. I love watching her content as each video is different to the last and she's super talented and quirky, and because we live quite far apart and work schedules get in the way of meeting up I love being able to watch her content as its almost like I'm seeing her without seeing her if that makes sense! So she started her b/vlogging as a way of trying to combat her anxiety, she goes way more into detail and explains it better than I ever could so here is the link to her blog and her youtube channel here

Secondly, I have always felt I can be quite socially awkward! Like I tend to go quiet when I'm talking to people I don't know all that well or complete strangers, I cant find my words, and just generally don't know what to say. I cant very often hold a conversation with people and my mind just goes blank! Like it sees a person, said person says hi or asks a question, and my brain decides its going to stop working for a while till said person goes away! A couple of weekends ago I went to ComicCon in London with my Brother, and my favourite youtuber was there, Evan Edinger, I am relatively new to the whole youtube scene, I got into it when I started watching Ellis, and since then I've gotten right into it! So anyway, I was in the line to meet Evan, and I'm ok in my head, feeling totally fine, no nerves or anything, thinking the usual things like he sounds more American in real life, and he's not as tall as I thought he would be! Are they normal things to be thinking in a queue?! So I get to meet him and I just forget what words are, how to say them, and striking up a conversation just i’snt even possible. It ain’t going to happen! Theres lots I wanted to say to him as well, about how some of his videos have helped me with personal things and how inspiring his travel vlogs are, plus I just think he would be a really cool guy to have a chat with but all I got out was a shy hi, can I have a picture and thanks bye! WTF!!! I don't want to be like this! Its embarrassing! I want to be able to meet new people and talk to them and make new friends and learn new things but I just don't seem to have the capacity to do it! I'm hoping in starting a blog I might be able to get used to sharing my thoughts and feelings and in turn it might make me feel more confident for future interactions with my fellow human beings! I also struggle with showing expression in my voice, I think I have quite a monotone voice, so I want to try and work on that too. I was planning to possibly upload something to youtube to test the waters, and try and gain some confidence to help with my awkwardness and toneless voice but I cant get over the weirdness of seeing myself on video, I don't have self esteem issues with the way I look as I know I cant change my face and Ive accepted that, but its more the fact that Ive spent so much of my life behind the camera I cant get over being in front of one! I’m in the middle of decorating my bedroom so I might make a video when thats finished as its less formal and I wont be in the shot so much! We shall see!

And lastly, I thought starting a blog will be a good way of keeping a journal. I started a journal nearly a year ago but have kind of neglected it recently so I thought regularly updating a blog might be a good way for me to not let things slip.

I hope you enjoyed my first ever blog post! I’m quite nervous about sharing it as I’ve never shared anything like this before!

Vikky x